"Never working a day in your life:" A potential reality or a stagnant dream?
There are always those lessons we learn when we're so young that they become ingrained in our minds. Like that brussel sprouts are gross and we shouldn't talk to strangers. And we always believe them and abide by them (if we want to anyway), without even knowing why and when we started believing them. (Sidenote: brussel sprouts are delicious so I don't know why I've been lied to my whole childhood).
"If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life" is an example of one of those lessons I've always known, and always believed in. (Another sidenote: I never knew who said this, Confucius by the way, until I looked it up just now).
But what I didn't learn is that, feeling as though you're not working when you are working is something that's very difficult to achieve, or at least hard to come by (so far in my life anyway).
Yeah I'm only just an intern and I'm not working my dream job, but what I'm afraid of is never reaching that point- waking up every morning ready and excited to live out the day. I'm so eager for the day to come where living and working become synonymous terms. And by living I mean not just going through the motions, I mean thriving. Thriving on passion, ambition, each decision you make and knowing you enjoy every minute of it.
I'm sure there are people that feel as though "they never work a day in their life." But that seems so far out of reach. Because I've never had a job so far where I felt the surge of energy, the butterflies in my stomach, knowing, this is my calling or this is what will get me out of bed every morning- this is what I was born to do.
We shouldn't have to drink caffeine to feel our hearts racing. I want my work every day to make my heart race and my stomach flutter and my mind go haywire. I want to feel alive, even if I'm just sitting at a desk. I want to feel fulfilled knowing that I am ready for the next step in the project, next big idea or whatever it is I'm working on.
Now, I've never known what exactly not working a day in my life would look like for me. Because as a young kid I thought maybe I'd be a novelist and make my living off of a few best sellers and that wouldn't feel like work.
But what they don't tell you, for most people it could take years for that to happen. So in the meantime you're barely scraping by. And you might be successful and then feel as though you're fulfilled. But you had to work to reach that point. And yeah, you might've been doing what you love, but how can you truly live if you're stressing about money? Wishing to reach the point in your life where the worrying stops?
Success nowadays is measured on how big our house is, how expensive our dinners are, how much money we're making. So is that a happy life? I'm sure to some people it is. But is it too much to ask for both? Both passion and security?
When will I have a paying job that energizes me so much I can throw away that coffee cup, forget about leaving at 5 pm, and fall in love with my life over and over again? Is that just a fantasy that doesn't exist for anyone?
Sometimes I think about that question- you know the one you were bombarded and harassed with all throughout your life- what do you want to be when you're older?
Well here I am, older- not doing what I wanted to do, but that's okay because I'm only a student and there are more years to come. But the wait is long and tiresome- it's as if we wait for our lives to begin.
I know what I want, but my biggest fear is knowing but not receiving. It's having a dream that you see in your mind but not through your eyes. I know I want a job where I feel fulfilled. A job that I can call a career and that I can call my calling. Because if it isn't my passion, or at least one of them, it means nothing but a money-maker, and we weren't born to be ATMs.
Because fulfillment feels like a coffee high without the coffee. It feels like waking up from the best nap of your life, and not the kind where you don't know where you are or what year it is. The kind where you wake up ready to get back into the swing of things, knowing what's next and how to get there. Fulfillment should feel like waking up every morning to your best you and your best life.
So I don't know what exactly not working a day in my life looks like. But I have an idea of what it might feel like. And I can't help but dream and wish those butterflies to life. The kind that stem from doing what you love and loving what you do. And I hope they god damn come soon enough. Because a life we wait for, is a life not worth living.